If you got pregnant naturally you are not in this club. You are one of what we call the “lucky ones.” You will never really know what it’s like to walk in our shoes. We do appreciate all of your love and support though, but until you’ve gone through it, well, you just can’t know.
We are the couples who want babies so badly we are willing to go sideways into debt just for those long odds that maybe one day we will feel him or her kicking in the womb. We are the zero guarantee club. The membership is pricey and we are an emotionally volatile bunch.
The infertility bond
We bond when we share about IVF and infertility. We see the connection in each other’s eyes. We empathize immediately with each other. You feel like although you don’t really know anything about this person you do know what has been consuming their whole entire world for as long as they have been going through this.
When someone says “I totally understand we tried for months before getting pregnant naturally,” the Infertility Club members want to scream! It’s like apples and oranges. You are having sex we are having hysteroscopies. You are not sticking yourself with needles nightly having your body do all sorts of weird stuff. You are not in a doctor’s office every few days hanging by his or her every word on if and when they will attempt to retrieve eggs or if there are even enough to retrieve.
Peter and I had an unsuccessful round of IVF and then pulled the plug for a while. We didn’t have the resources for multiple rounds. We ultimately made the difficult decision to jump right to an egg donor. Not an easy decision, but the one we needed to make.
But plenty will keep marching on, going through it, batching a few eggs at a time hoping to eventually have enough that survive testing and thaw to then pray their lining is thick enough and that one of those precious embryos stick.
So to all of you, to all of the women in the infertility club, from the bottom of my heart my wish for you all is that you get the family you are dreaming about, fighting for, doubling down on…because I for one know that nobody deserves it more than you.