Peter:
No, I’m not talking about that kind of baby talk. Not the kind of talk some people use when talking to infants. That’s not what I mean here. What I mean is talking about wanting a baby. All the time.
Let me back up. My fiancée has wanted to be a mother for as long as she can remember. This is not uncommon. My mom said that she wanted to be a mom above all else too. I want to be a dad, but I will never be able to fully appreciate the feeling that they’ve described. It almost sounds like some physical law. Something immutable. Something that must happen. That will happen. That they have no control over. It just runs them.
For my mom it took a long time. Longer than she thought it should. Long enough to worry her. But then it finally happened. Naturally. My sister was first and then I followed a year and a half later. My mom was finally what she always wanted to be more than anything else in the world—a mom.
My fiancée and I haven’t been so lucky. It hasn’t happened naturally. It didn’t happen in our first cycle of IVF. And now our incredible doctor at SCRC is advising us to find an egg donor. So the journey begins again.
Since I met my fiancée she has talked about wanting a baby. Baby talk has been happening in our home since we met. In the beginning it was fun and playful. But given the complications and challenges it has become stressful and anxiety producing. It has created tension between us at times. Here’s what I find though; when I talk less and listen more things work with us. What my fiancée needs more than anything is to be heard and to be loved and supported. This is true all the time of course, but it’s especially true now.
This blog is for the partners. The ones who don’t go through the treatments and the procedures. The ones who aren’t like my fiancée and my mom.
Embrace the baby talk in whatever form it shows up in. Love it. Listen to it. Believe in it.
Sadly, relationships get tested during these times. These treatments are emotional and expensive and uncertain. So just listen to her or to him throughout the journey however long or winding. Try to be the rock. The patient one. Try. You won’t always be that (just ask my fiancée), but try.
And hopefully one day you and your partner (and my fiancée and I) will be doing that other kind of baby talk, the one you do with a baby….in the meantime, take care of each other.
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