We Want A Baby...Now What? Options for Gay Men

Depositphotos_166327120_l-2015

For the first time in history, gay men are able to have biological children and be listed exclusively on the birth certificate as the fathers. It’s not the only way to do it, but it reflects the time we’re in. If you are a gay couple looking to become parents, you can.

Numerous options exist for gay fathers. They vary by state and affordability, among other factors, and it’s good to know what they are and what option will be best for your family.

我们从哪里开始？

在讨论选项之前，我们先来了解一些真正重要的东西。

Get a sperm analysis done. You need to know what options are on the table for you. Low sperm count or motility in one or both of you may alter your plans, especially if you want biological children.
On that note, how would you feel about not being genetically related to your child? That can be really hard for some people. Is that important to you? Is it more important to one of you? How will you handle it both individually and as a couple? Be honest because you answers may determine how you proceed. Whatever happens, you’ll both be parents. You get to decide what that looks like.
Are you open to being foster parents? If so, what will that look like for you? Will you strictly foster or might you be open to adoption?
How many kids will you have? Some options are pricier than others. Setting expectations, talking with insurance and surrogacy/adoption/egg donor agencies, setting a budget can all help in preparing for kids and determining your family size.

探索你的选择

一旦您对自己想要建立什么样的家庭有了清晰的认识，我们就来谈谈选择方案。

Fostering and Adoption.

The US is home to approximately 16,000 adoptive gay parents. Where about 3% of hetero couples are raising adopted kids, more than 20% of gay couples are. It’s a similar story with foster parents. 0.4% of hetero couples are foster parents while 3% of gay parents are. There’s a shortage of good parents willing to foster and/or adopt children, especially teenagers. It may be a great choice for your family.

Adoption by same-sex couples is legal in the US, though the laws vary by state. Get a good lawyer on your side and start exploring gay-friendly adoption agencies.

冷冻精子

Going the IVF route? It can take a while to find a donor and/or surrogate, so bank your sperm now to use down the road. (Or, optimize your sperm health for a few months and then bank it at your prime.) It will also be subject to FDA-mandated screening for infectious diseases. When your doctor is ready for the procedure, you’ll be ready, too.

捐献精子

Men are just as likely as women to have fertility problems. It’s estimated that about 1/3 of all infertility cases can be attributed to male factor infertility. If it affects you, that’s okay. Or maybe you’ve decided to not be biological parent/s. Work with your fertility clinic to arrange for a sperm donor.

卵子捐赠

You can choose an egg donor from a bank, or someone you know personally (if you go that route, definitely have a talk with your lawyer). Together, you and your partner can search the database for a donor that can best contribute to the family you’re creating.

代孕。

Once you’ve got your egg and sperm, you can proceed with making embryos. They can remain frozen while you work with your agency or fertility clinic to choose a surrogate to work with. As always, you’ll want to be clear on laws and relevant policies with regard to surrogacy, parenthood and legal rights. Talk it over with your partner, your lawyer and your surrogate before proceeding.

Learn more about surrogacy laws by state in this post ►

胚胎捐赠。

对于无法或决定不做亲生父亲的夫妇来说，胚胎捐赠是一种选择。通常情况下，接受试管婴儿治疗的夫妇会留下可存活的胚胎。与其生育更多的孩子或销毁胚胎，他们会将其捐献出去。这通常是一条比捐献卵子/精子开始试管婴儿更经济实惠的为人父母之路。请向您的生育专家咨询适合您家庭的方案。

为人父母的过程

If your sperm analysis results were less than ideal, now’s the time to start optimizing sperm health. A few ways include cutting alcohol and smoking; boosting exercise, vitamins and foods high in healthy fats. Talk to your doctor about what you can do, too. Give yourself 3-4 months of lead time, as that how long it will take for your new health regimen to impact your sperm.

在增强体质、等待精子 2.0 诞生的同时，你还有很多事情要忙。

Set up a consult. If you’re going down the path of assisted reproduction, choosing a good clinic will be your starting point. You want a doctor up on the latest advances in the field and a supportive staff. Ideally they’ll be able to help you at every point in the process, including donors and/or surrogates as necessary.
If you’re going to foster or adopt, you’ll want to go with an agency you feel good about and work well with.
Find yourself a good lawyer. Ask around for recommendations, do web searches, go around to offices and set up meetings. This is a months-long, highly involved process. There are often legal implications to deal with, no matter what path you go down.
您即将开始一段充满情感的旅程（更不用说成为父母后的情感旅程了）。组建一支优秀的团队。确保你的团队中有一群支持你的朋友和家人。
选择捐献者。我们现在知道，这不是先天与后天的问题，而是先天与后天的问题。你负责培养的部分。您将如何选择天性？列出您需要的基本特征清单（包括健康和家庭特征、兴趣爱好、身体特征和特点）。
Start the process. If you’re going to move forward with IVF, it takes at least a few weeks before you can even try for successful pregnancy. Then, it typically takes some more weeks or months for that to be successful. Your doctor will help you through.
If you’re with an adoption agency, there will be plenty to keep you busy for the first few months after you’ve signed on with them. There are inspections and paperwork galore.

这一切都将令人兴奋和疲惫。记住你的团队。

最后，与您的机构/诊所密切合作。每个州、机构和诊所的流程一般都会遵循这个大纲，但与他们保持密切沟通并主动提出问题将确保您不会错过任何重要信息。