Women who are having difficulties becoming or staying pregnant are not alone.  Approximately 7 million couples have some sort of fertility issue and must deal with the emotional, physical and often financial ramifications. It can place tremendous stress on relationships with partners, family and friends.

If you are reading this, you have an advantage.  You are taking control of your fertility by examining your treatment options. The focus of this article is to help patients learn better ways of coping with fertility complications.

There is no doubt that dealing with the disappointment of not being able to conceive can take a massive emotional toll.  It is common that many patients become depressed and anxious during this process.  The strain on a marriage and among family members sometimes becomes unbearable. 

Seeking counseling can help patients through the emotional rollercoaster that often accompanies fertility treatment.  Here are some helpful coping strategies to consider.

1. Educate yourself.  Technology changes quickly these days, so it is helpful to be on top of all the newest treatment types.  Do some research yourself, or ask your Reproductive Endocrinologist to answer any questions you may have.
2. Self-care.  Nurture yourself and your partner as this can be a most stressful time.  Exercise, eat healthily, find time to relax and decompress (maybe a massage or some other indulgent treatment), meditate or utilize whatever types of activities that bring you comfort and ease stress.
3. Communicate.  It can be easy to play the blame game, so be mindful of any negative thought processes about your partner and communicate with one another in a non-critical manner.  Typically, when you don’t express your feelings, they tend to come out in another way.  Arguments, snapping at one another, isolating or avoiding may occur due to lack of healthy expression of feelings. Being aware of this and taking extra time to give love and support to one another is crucial.
4. Balance optimism with realism.  It’s important to maintain a positive outlook while managing your expectations.  Luckily you are either researching or actively seeking treatment with a center that has some of the highest success rates in the country.
5. Know your limitations.  If attending baby showers or 1st birthday parties is too difficult for you at this time, acknowledge this and say “no” as you need to.
6. Seek couples or individual counseling if feelings of anxiety or depression (see below) are overwhelming. 

Anxiety symptoms:  feeling overwhelmed, heightened fears, dizziness, heart palpitations, chest pain, constant worrying, feeling unable to take action or control, and difficulty functioning due to these symptoms. 

Depression symptoms:  changes in appetite or sleeping patterns, loss of interest in usual activities, difficulty thinking of anything other than one's infertility, feeling hopeless and helpless, fleeting thoughts of death and dying, difficulty making decisions, feelings of isolation and loneliness. 

Although a complication with fertility is primarily a medical problem, during treatment it is important to address the emotional implications. Seeing a qualified counselor can be especially effective during any of the following stages:

• When you are faced with a difficult decision about treatment
• During the Embryo Transfer (ET) phase of your treatment
• After a treatment cycle has failed
• When you are considering alternatives such as surrogacy, egg or sperm donation
• When you are considering stopping medical treatment
• When one or both of you have troubling feelings that won’t go away
• When you experience strained relationships with your partner, friends, or family
• If you avoid being with others because of infertility

It is important to learn how to take care of yourself.  One of the most challenging aspects of advanced fertility care is dealing with the emotional ups and downs. Participating in therapy can help you manage your emotions and provide patients the necessary coping skills. Whether through family, friends, or professionals, make sure and get the support you need.

Jennifer Yates is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Santa Monica, CA.  For more information visit www.jenniferyatesmft.com or email at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it